Why YOU Should Vote For Mitt Romney

Following the speech by Ann Romney at the Republican National Convention, I was stirred to write a Facebook status about our next president!

Did you know that if Mitt Romney were to get into a fight with Chuck Norris he would win? He’s a winner. Mitt once saved me from an attack by a family of bears. Sure did. Why, he even told a funny joke afterwards – he could be a comedian you know. Did you also know that he likes women and old people? What I don’t know are the specifics of his tax plans or how he plans to brings jobs to the nation as president, but Mitt is a funny, determined winner and that’s all that matters.

August 30, 2012  

That status was followed by 133 comments by my friends and I. Today, the day of the presidential election, I would like to share your responses with you, grammar errors and all. It’s unlikely you will understand all of the references, but if you do, high five!



Bobby Avant

Zombies/Walking Dead
mitt romney has the zombie cure in his medicine cabinet
mitt romney gave hershel infinite ammo
mitt romney gave tdog a line in the third season

Movies/TV
– mitt romney rode optimus prime as a big wheel when he was 4

Literature
– mitt romney is secretly ender from the future, and he’s trying to save us from the alien invasion that is to come

Videogames
– mitt romney is already playing half life 4 episode 7
– alternate costume for M.Bison is Mitt Romney
– mitt romney got the fourth beam in mass effect 3
– mitt romney beat master ninja with just the wood sword
– konami got the code from mitt romney
– mitt romney took barret’s arm
– mitt romney beat superman 64
– mitt romney convinced Aaron Lanton to play left 4 dead 2 again

Board Games
– mitt romney wins with just the purple in monopoly

Misc
– mitt romney narrates morgan freeman’s life
– mitt romney gave stone cold steve austin the bottom line
– mitt romney finished the song that never ends

Aaron Lanton

Manga
– mitt romney knew who tobi was in 2003
– luffy eats with manners around mitt romney
– Goku only needed mitt romney to share his energy
– mitt romney defeated exodia
– mitt romney fought itachi by himself

Misc
– mitt romney always knows which wire to cut
– mitt romney puts on his pants on two legs at a time
– mitt romney can convince Chasmin Dewayne Brooks to vote for him
– mitt romney is all Sarah Peacock Anderson talks about

Zombies/Walking Dead
– mitt romney got carl to stay in the house
– no one dies when mitt romney plays The Walking Dead: The Game

Music
– snoop lion changed his name for mitt romney
– kanye west admitted that mitt romney makes better music than he does
– nelly wrote “Pimp Juice” about mitt romney
– Sincere DaWeapon‘s next mixtape is called “mitt romney”

Science
– mitt romney can split atoms by asking them nicely
– mitt romney will win 8 tour de frances in a row while president after lance armstrong unretires next month (to be fair, I had no clue the PED scandal was coming LOL)

Videogames
– Urien tore up mitt romney’s suit and then apologized
– mitt romney beat mew with rental pokemon
– the class that can’t be indoctrinated by the reapers is “mitt romney”
– mitt romney has a 100 rating in madden 13
– mitt romney won evo with dan
– mitt romney convinced the reapers to bring the crucible to earth
– solid snake is a clone of mitt romney
– mitt romney starts the round with ultra

Movies/TV
– mitt romney warned anakin not to attack opponents with the high ground
– mitt romney ghostwrites south park
– mitt romney can make sookie stackhouse a one man-woman
– mitt romney trained the foot clan

Sports
– mitt romney got terell owens to be a family man

Chris Weathers

Sports
– Mitt Romney tackled Rob Gronkowski.

Videogames
– Mitt Romney beat Halo on Mitt Romney, the level above Legendary hidden away by developers where you can’t shoot, only run and jump and your controls are Southpaw.

Boardgames
– Mitt Romney got Boardwalk and Park Place in Candy Land.

Charles Brown

Sports
– Usain Bolt lost to Mitt Romney in the 40

Videogames
– Mitt Romney convinced Aaron Lanton to play Madden again
– Mitt Romney survived a falcon punch
– Mitt Romney can kill a tank with a single melee
– Mitt Romney makes Kratos look like rick santorum

Boardgames


– Mitt Romney was the real reason we had to burn the monopoly board (this actually happened … a story for a different day)

Movies/TV
– Mitt Romney taught walter white how to cook

Misc
-This post is continuing because mitt ronmey is allowing it
-Mitt Romney paid back China with interest
– Mitt Romney hired Zeus to troll Aaron

Sarah Peacock Anderson

Literature
– mitt romney knows sixty shades of gray

Harrison Young

Music
– Mitt Romney taught me how to Dougie

Corey Raj’ae

Videogames
– This is true… Mitt Romney also got Aaron Lanton to accept defeat at every videogame without blaming lag or defective production of joysticks or any other possible negative effects.
– Mitt Romney can replicate street fighter combos in real world situations without taking off his suit
– Mitt Romney captured mewtwo without weakening it & with a regular pokeball
– Mitt Romney killed Wesker before he took Uruboros.
– All of Capcom’s characters are based off of mitt Romney’s illegitimate children.
-Mitt Romney captures every single pokemon. Including the ones that we don’t even know about.

TV/Movies
– Guess what… Mitt Romney is Batman…

Michael Connell

Manga
– Mitt Romney is grand supreme kai’s kai
– Light wrote Mitt Romneys name in the death note and he didn’t die.

TV/Movies
– Mitt Romney built the Millenium Falcon
– Mitt Romney took the blue pill and still defeated Agent Smith

Videogames
– Mitt Romney defeated Sephiroth without Omnislash

Happy Election Day (no, it’s not a thing)

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